Recitals
Spring is a season of performances for most music students. Many teachers hold formal studio recitals towards the end of the school year, and lots of students also have youth orchestra AND school orchestra concerts on their calendars. Advancing students—especially those who play multiple instruments or throw a school play or choir concert into the mix—can end up performing week after week.
There is a lot of good to be taken from an abundance of performances (it’s fun! it’s celebratory! every performance is a learning opportunity!) and it can also be a bit stressful. Here are some things families can do to keep it all feeling manageable:
One biggie is to not assume that your child will feel nervous about performing. Adults generally have more hang-ups about performing than kids do—as challenging as it may be, don’t project your own anxiety about performing onto your kid. Follow your child’s lead and stay open to any variety of feelings they might have about getting up on stage.
That said, it’s totally normal to feel nervous about performing. It takes guts and vulnerability to share what you’ve been working on! The point isn’t to not feel nervous—it is to feel however we feel and still get up and play.
Some ideas to share with kids in the weeks leading up to a performance:
The audience wants to hear you play. You are sharing something special with them and they are rooting for you.
If your child is feeling nervous, you can talk about the overlap between nerves and excitement: we might feel nervous that we’ll make a mistake AND excited that we get to play something we love!
It is okay to make a mistake! We are aiming for genuine, engaged performances, not perfection. We can shift our mindset away from avoiding mistakes and towards performing with conviction/guts/poise/energy…or whatever other adjective makes sense for your kid.
If it seems useful, you can share stories about mistakes you’ve made, and how you moved on from them (they don’t need to be music related!)
Some things to do in the weeks leading up to a performance:
Practice regularly and keep your practice material consistent. It’s not a good idea to cram-practice for a performance or to try to change your recital piece anytime close to the recital.
Perform for family and friends
Record your kid playing their piece (video is ideal, but audio also works) and watch it together
Listen to a professional-level recording of your piece (you should be doing this always, but you can for sure amp it up as part of your recital prep!)
Some things to do after the performance:
Tell your child that you love watching and hearing them play. The “I Love To Watch You Play” concept comes from the sports world (you can read about it here), and the basic idea is that what kids want to hear from their parent(s) is simply that their parent(s) enjoyed seeing/hearing them perform. What they don’t want to hear—certainly not right afterwards, maybe never—is a ton of analysis, feedback, ideas for next time, etc. Your recital-job is being their cheerleader; their teacher will tackle any analyzing or course correcting that needs to be done.
Celebrate! If there’s a reception afterwards, stick around and celebrate your child’s performance AND everyone else’s! If there’s no reception, find at least one other student to share a compliment with before you leave. It is really great for kids to zoom out from their own recital experience and notice what their studio mates are up to.
Make a post-performance tradition: some families always go out to dinner after a recital, or get ice cream, or take the next day off from practicing…there are all kinds of ways to structure this, but I think a special post-recital event is a lovely way to mark the occasion.
